pet loss after separation

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Hello, today I’m going to talk to you about a type of pet loss that goes unnoticed. During a separation.

During a separation sometimes there is more than children, there are pets. It is already not easy to separate. An obvious choice for some and complex for others. Sometimes people tear themselves apart.

It is simple when the person who separated before entering an animal. By cons, when you buy a couple together, it gets complicated.

He arrives out of revenge, one of two to keep a link, because he does not accept the separation, will manipulate the situation and use the animal to hurt. Either blaming the choice of the other or keeping an unhealthy connection with the ex.

How to determine who will have custody? It can be based on which is closer to the animal emotionally, the one who cares more about it, the one that the animal seems to be more attached to, the one that can take care of it the best and the best conditions. For example, if one of them is often absent, or works at night and the animal stays alone for hours.

It happens that during a divorce, if the couple can not make the choice, the judge decides and it may not satisfy you. So, to avoid turning the iron in the wound, try to agree on whoever will have the animal.

Another option is to share a guard, every other week, every second weekend. Holidays. It will allow the other person to gradually get used to this new reality. Especially today, there are many couples who do not have children, and who consider their animals as their children. And a separation can bring a significant injury in addition to living separation.

Indeed, there is double mourning here. Maybe it will be easier for the person living the separation, who has the animal, he has someone to spend his time. On the other hand, the person who finds himself alone can feel helpless in the face of this break.

As for which of the two is the most suffering, only you know it. And if there are children involved, the choice will be all the more heartbreaking.

I will not dwell here on the impact of separation on children, there are already several articles on the subject. However, in future articles, I will talk about animal mourning in children.

You will have to mourn the relationship with that person and mourn the loss of that animal, that living being to which you are attached. You will have to live the stages of mourning to get through.

Mourning is the dream of the relationship, the imagined future crumbling. Projects for two. The common life, the routine. The emptiness that it creates, will have to be tamed.

Shock, denial, pain, guilt, anger, negotiation, depression, rebuilding and acceptance.

For some people, it will be easy to go through the separation of the couple, but for others, the loss of the animal will be difficult to live with. I would even say by surprise for these people.

It is sometimes when there is a loss that we realize how important it was to us. And with all that unconditional love that this animal brought, unlike the relationship that makes it painful.

And you, have you ever experienced a separation where an animal was involved? How did you get through?


Brigitte Berube

humanist therapist

grief specialist

Brigitte Berube

Brigitte Bérubé


  • AYCD

    Thank you for the great interview

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